Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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