if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
