I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
