singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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