What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
