I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
