so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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