Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
