I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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