I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
