i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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