So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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