I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
