i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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