last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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