She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
