Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
try to milk me bitch
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
