Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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