I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
