Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's always time for handjobs
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
