I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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