So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
