i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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