bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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