So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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