omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
