just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
