Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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