I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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