I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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