I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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