Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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