I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think I won the penis lottery.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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