If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
You're my little dorito
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
