i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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