There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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