im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
