Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
