My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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