Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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