We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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