i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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