Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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