trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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