You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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