I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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