he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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