Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
