first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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