I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We are all done wearing pants today
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
