He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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